"Yeah, I'll get to it.."

I think going almost a year without writing anything is probably the single biggest comment I can make about parenthood. When asked if I'm going to write anymore my response has been typically "Yeah, I'll get to it...right after I...(INSERT EXCUSE)."

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I think sing-a-long DVDs/CDS were invented by the State Department in our war on terror. Somehow the technology got out in the open and is unfortunately being used by the general public to occupy toddlers. It's like audio-Anthrax.

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Mark (holding Foster to his belly with one hand while Amy is trying to get some clothes on him): "You know Babe, I've never grabbed another man's crotch this long in my life!"

Amy (stopping in her tracks): "This long? Couldn't you have said 'ever'?"

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Sometimes I feel bad and think that diaper rash is like Nature's report card of parenting. Other times I think the little bastard should just quit shitting wet poop!

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Car Rides at one and a half are much easier these days than they were at 6 months. Thank you, Dodge Caravan DVD player...you will forever have a warm spot in my heart. It's probably our vehicle's very best safety feature.

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Speaking of DVD's. Foster thinks every movie that's played in the car is called "Nemo". It actually offends my film-sensibilities more than it should.

Foster: "Nemo"

Mark: "No, this is How to Train Your Dragon."

Foster: "Nemo!!"

Mark: "Dragon!!"

Foster: "NEMO!!!!"

Mark: "DRAGON!!!!"

(continue for 12 miles...)

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We've discovered that Foster is part feline. He likes to be played with and tackled...but only when HE wants to and only for short periods of time. It's driving Caleb a little nuts because he'll get attacked and after 10 seconds of wrestling Foster wants done with the whole thing. Caleb then becomes a double victim in that Foster screams his head off at him and then Amy and I have to also scold Caleb to "let him go".

Poor kid. These trials make the book "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" move up my list of all-time classics.

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Caleb is getting to be a philosopher. We had a conversation about lying the other day and he hit me with this one:

"Mark, if you told two lies today and then were asked how many you told...you could say two...or you could say three...and you'd be right on both!"

It's a mind blower.

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Foster is starting a brand new sleeping ritual. I hate to even write it down for fear of it changing...but for the past few nights he's given Amy and I a chance to sleep in the same bed for more than 6 hours at a clip. For those in the know, this is historic and life changing for the Swans-Doll-Ipers. If it continues for a few more nights I might officially declare an end to our War on Sleep and place a "mission accomplished" banner outside our bedroom. Songs, gifts, and holidays should be instituted for this momentous day of peace.